Open Letter to my fellow co-worker

April 7, 2011 § Leave a comment

Dear Carlos,

Alright buddy ive had enough.

I don’t even know how you got this job to be honest.I’m going to assume one of our brilliant managers thought it would have been a good idea to hire a Mexican for multicultural purposes. Now don’t get me wrong this has nothing to do with your Mexican heritage, hell I love tacos! I don’t even know if your from Mexico to be honest since all you ever do is either scream loudly in spanish or try to get some leftover food off me in broken english.

This has to do with your batshit antics.

I honestly don’t even know if  you can read but to be safe im just going to outline the many flaws of your character.

1) Offering me Coca-Cola

Quit offering me coca-cola every time I bloody see you. Quit offering Coca-Cola when im serving customers. I understand you are trying to be  nice and all but after hearing “PLEASE TAKE! PLEASE”  and seeing a coke can in front of my face every 10 minutes it gets pretty damn irritating.

Jeez, I don’t even like coke.. I’m a Pepsi fan.

2) Barging into the washroom

Do I even have to fucking start? When the door is closed and you hear splashing sounds this does not mean you barge into the washroom. Before you ask me why the door wasnt locked, excuse me if  I have a phobia of being locked and subsequently dying from the smell of my own feces. Way to be inconsiderate.

3) Speaking to me in Spanish

I can barely string a sentence properly in English and i have you screaming at me in Spanish. Not only does this make me hate you even more it also destroys the way i looked at the Spanish language. I used to loved Spanish because it reminded me of Antonio Banderas. Now it only reminds me of a burly sweaty mexican who has a freakish love for tartar sauce.

Thanks alot jerk.

4) Screaming my name in the cooler in a violent manner

To be honest this doesn’t really bother me all too much. Just keep it down will you.

Alright Carlos/Pedro/whateveryourrealnameis get your loving act together or else i will have to hide your beloved tartar sauce and you wont be able to properly enjoy that stack of ribs you keep hiding in the washroom.

With love,



is it normal?

April 4, 2011 § Leave a comment

I sometimes dream/day dream of the worst possible scenario that could ever occur to me. My best friend passing away, my parents dying from horrible crash, my girlfriend wasting away from some flesh eating disease all that awesome stuff. The problem (is it a problem?) that after such dreams i realize that sooner or later these things may/will occur to me. My parents will die, i may break up with my girlfriend, and my buddy might pass away and then i get pretty depressed for a little while.  I wonder why i dwell on such things.. is it normal?

A boy and a girl

April 3, 2011 § Leave a comment

Once upon a time there was a boy and a girl. The two became friends in short notice for they shared many dreams and desires. Things seemed to go quite nicely as the boy and girl could not find faults in each other. Well, that wasnt true. Both children had very fatal flaws. The boy was clumsy with his tongue, he would sometimes say things with no ill intention yet his words would hurt those he cared for. The girl was quite prideful and if someone were to hurt her pride she would lash out in anger.  Yet despite these fatal character flaws the two seemed to get along quite well for both knew each other very well.. well for a while that is.

On one particular day in which neither boy or girl remembers correctly, the boy forgot the girls illogical pride and spluttered out some nonsense. The girl in her prideful rage forgot the boy’s genetic flaw and cursed and shouted at the boy. After that day the two were never the same again. They drifted apart and their blossoming friendship ended.  It was as they say in those classy movies, it was a  “bitter sweet” ending .

Once in a while the boy would think of the friendship he had with the girl and sigh in disbelief. He would be overcome by sadness knowing his friendship with the girl was over. However, as the days went by the boy soon forgot about the girl made new friendships and led a pretty decent life.

*Moral of the story children:  When going into shady food joints always make sure theirs an escape route for your bowels*

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